Sunshine and Summertime *

Okay so I actually really hate that song but it describes the long weekend perfectly!!! I had a great Canada Day long weekend, especially since J got 4 full days off in a row. It was amazing. It was fabulous to get out of the apartment and city for a few days out in the country.

Friday night we headed out to the Wack with my mother in law and brother in law in the new Jeep. I immediately got some sun so that was fantastic. Friday night was pretty laidback with MIL and I drinking margaritas in the sun on the deck for hours. The only bad thing was that they live in the Wack which is full of cottonwood which I am allergic to. My eyes started to bother me so I went to bed.

Saturday was chill at the house and my FIL's brother and 3 of his little kids came out for the night. It was so much fun to have the little ones around (4, 6 and 12) plus my brother in law (11). I played with the kids and drank with the adults. In the afternoon the cottonwood caught up to me and I broke out into massive hives all over my legs. It was terrible. After a ridiculously long trip to SuperStore to get some medication they started to go down after about 4 hours. The meds knocked me out though so I was asleep for a good portion of the afternoon. :(

Sunday was just us with my inlaws. We hung out and went to the waterslides for some cool fun. It was a blast. J and I haven't been in years so it was great. I actually got some studying in for my midterm this afternoon as well.

Monday was fun as J and I had the house to ourselves. The inlaws were buying a new fridge and bed so they went to Langley to pick up a truck and whatnot. We got to spend the day just together getting a few errands done around town and relaxing together. We drove around in the country, went running in cornfields, took a nap in the tent and played in the river. Then when the inlaws got home we helped move in their new fridge and bed (and took their old bed! YAY! king size, finally!!). Finally we went home Monday night to catch the fireworks in Langley.

Tuesday was Canada Day but we opted to hit up the park across the street for some R&R rather than hit up the big bashes around town. We bought some good bread, good cheese, deli meats and fresh fruit and laid on a blanket in the sun with Joe all afternoon. We talked, played with Joe, played frisbee, napped and read. It was fantastic but I have a bit of a burn on my back today. After the sun went down and the temperature dropped a bit we set up our new bed. We had to do some furniture switches with R receiving our old bed and our futon (that R had been using) being moved back into the living room. The apartment feels really full now but that's okay. We finally have a king size bed, I'm in heaven.

Today is back to the grind and I have a midterm in an hour. Yuck. I have to head out to Hope Friday night for some Dr and Dentist appointments, totally not looking forward to it. July is already going by so quickly as my agenda becomes more and more packed for this month. It's insane. I took an hour this afternoon to plan out my next school year and it is more busy than I would like. However, no matter what it is the last year of my undergrad .. thank goodness!!! I was ready to freak! haha.

Well, I have a midterm in less than an hour so I should probably run. There are a few interesting big developments going on in my life that I will share once they are more concrete. :)

~ C


* Sunshine and Summertime - Faith Hill

Spent your summer nights ... *

... without a care, take me there *

As a Canadian girly, I'm pretty darn stoked for this Canada Day Long Weekend~! Whoooo!!! This year I could not need a long weekend any more. I am desperate to get out of this concrete city and out to the country for a much needed break. Although I have a midterm as soon as I get back (ugh, seriously), I'm going to try to take most of this weekend to myself and spend some quality time with J. I also just need some carefree days and some alcohol. The last time I had that was here:

One of my best friends and I at my cabin last summer.
It was me, 5 20-something boys from my high school grad class and alcohol for a glorious week.
*sigh* Pure bliss.

Lately I've just been feeling so down on myself about everything that I think I just need to get away. Away from my house, my roommate who is driving me C-R-A-Z-Y and school. J is simply sick of city life, having a roommate and being cooped up in an apartment. Yup, both J and I need it badly.

I woke up to the best email ever yesterday, my mother-in-law (who is AMAZING, love her to bits) inviting us out to their place for the weekend. I love their place. They live in a rancher on 26 acres in the Wack. It's only a 10 minute drive to town but it feels like the boonies with all the wide open spaces and the smell of cow pie fertilizer (yup, I'm a country girl). They have a decent size deck where MIL and I can proceed to get smashed on Malibu and pineapple juice while the boys (father-in-law and brother-in-law and J) dirtbike and get into trouble. I really do have the best inlaws ever. I would be lost without them. In fact, I spent all yesterday morning calling various aunts, uncles and cousins and begging them to come down for a weekend, I miss them all terribly. When we lived in the Loops for the first two years of our relationship, there were over 30 of us in his family living in a 5 block radius. Needless to say, they were a part of my everyday life and as much as they can drive me crazy, they are my family. I miss spending almost every weekend with them.

I'm really excited for this weekend, I wish we could just go right NOW. It's supposed to be super hot and sunny this weekend and I am dreaming of spending hours on the deck basking in the sun. I feel like I made a huge mistake by taking summer classes this year. Last year was really fun and I met one of my bestest friends in the world, S, but this year I just don't feel the same. I have my awesome amazing friends and I love seeing them but I'm feeling ridiculously burnt out and my head is anywhere but in class. In fact, I'm skipping today. Although today I think I have an excuse, I think I ate a sandwich yesterday in which the meat was notttt quite perfect and I've been sick since 4 am. If I were motivated I would suck it up and go up to campus, but today, not so much. Haha.

I'm just feeling very incredibly done with school. The pressure of grad school is getting to me. If I fail at getting in, then I've totally let not only myself down, but J and his family. J has sacrificed everything so I could chase this ridiculous dream and his family could have used us up in the Loops these past two years with his grandpa being sick. But we couldn't be there because of my school and they were understanding. If I don't get in though, wow, what a waste. My GPA just isn't anywhere near where they want it and I'm just not sure if I even have a long shot. *sigh* I really really really really hate school lately.

Well, the boys will be home for lunch in 5 and I don't have anything ready for them. Oops! Haha.

~ C

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* Now playing: Rascal Flatts - Take Me There
via FoxyTunes

The best things around that I have ever seen*

... came from small towns and big dreams!!

Aww, I love that song! It was actually our grad song from high school and I really can't imagine a song that describes the small town feeling better. If you haven't noticed yet, my music often really expresses who I am and I use it as therapy quite often.

Well, as I mentioned I am a university student. In fact I'm done my degree (Bachelor of Arts) as of August 1st. YAY! Haha. I should be sooo excited. J and I sacrificed a lot for two years for me to go to school. The thing is I really want to go into Speech Language Pathology. Unfortunately, that's a Masters degree program. A really hard one to get into to boot. And its another two years. AND because of prerequisite drama, the earliest I could start if I do get in is September 2009. Which means I won't be done until August 2011. Which means I'll be 24 and J will be 26. Yikes. See the plan was always that I would start my program this September and be done August 2010 at 23 and 25. That is just not going to happen. And now, after two years of city living, J isn't sure if he can hang on for any more. And I can't say I blame him.

No he hasn't packed up and moved out. Yet. But he is starting to wonder if this is worth it. He won't let me quit but he is starting to get antsy to start his own life. He wants a house and a truck and a wife and kids. And I'm ... well I'm tied to school. The thing is, I'm not really. I have a degree in mere weeks. I could walk away if I wanted. And yet because of some stupid career goal (haha) I can't yet. I'm hoping summer will change his mind but I'm not really holding my breath. Now its not like he's leaving and we're suddenly broken up. But I mean after 4 years of living together ... the idea of him being hours away kills me. All I want is for him to be happy, and right now, in our situation, he isn't. And the idea of him being unhappy is killing me even more. It's not like I'm afraid of living without him. Sure I would miss him .. lots. But he doesn't owe me anything, he's put in more than I ever could have asked for. And if he needs to this for himself, I won't fight it. But I sure will miss his cute face. And that sense of "we're in this together". For what it's worth, I can't blame him if he does go.

We just are not city people. J can't stand crowds of people, it freaks him out. We both used to spend our free time in the Loops or Hope at the lake or river or up in the mountains. Here we feel surrounded by concrete. Sure the views are gorgeous but even the parks are crowded. There are cars and sirens and crowds everywhere you go. It's insane. The pace of life is just so hectic, I feel like there aren't enough hours in a day for me to accomplish anything. It's go go go all the time. I like a much slower pace of life. A life with less shopping malls and Starbucks and clubbing. I hate that stuff. I hate the anonymity. I miss walking down the street and knowing almost everyone, even if it does lead to gossip. I miss walking into the grocery store and saying "hello" to the person ahead of me. I miss thinking that 3 people ahead of me in line is a huge line up. I miss the sense of community. I miss my stable, steady, small town life.

I just wish I could see the future. If I knew for sure that I was going to get into grad school, I would stick it out. But if I stick it out this extra year to apply for grad school and don't get in, I'm gonna be choked. Sometimes I even wonder if it's worth it. I mean yeah, I love the job, the money is alright and it allows me to work pretty much anywhere. But I have to live in the city, I'm unhappy and depressed, it's taking a toll on my self-esteem and my relationship. I would just take a year off but I would still have to come back to the city so it's not really changing my situation.

*sigh*

I really don't know what to do. I feel like I have so much to think about. Ugh. I hate school.

~C

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Now playing: Paul Brandt - Small Towns and Big Dreams
via FoxyTunes

* Small Towns & Big Dreams - Paul Brandt

J

Well, you've met my two kids, now meet their daddy!

J is truly the love of my life. We've been together for almost four years and have lived together since literally day one. J is a welder and welder-fabricator in town. He absolutely loves what he does and enjoys going to work every morning. There are days when I wish he had a cleaner job (my landlord once asked how I "balanced two men", J leaves in the morning white and comes home black, hahahaha!) but I love seeing how happy he is.

We actually met in high school and graduated together. Apparently we both had "crushes" but were always involved with other people. Fast forward to a few months after graduation after we had both moved to the same new town, we met for coffee and the rest is history.

J is of Metis background and is fairly proud of his heritage. We are a hunting family, though I haven't let him hang up any heads ... yet. I knew from the first kiss my life was changed forever but it hasn't always been easy. We've both had to learn a lot and compromise. We've been through quite a bit together but the reality is: we are both better people who live more balanced lives and are able to achieve their dreams, when we are together.

I should mention that we are (on the surface, anyway) complete opposites. Oh sure, our values match and our visions of our future mesh perfectly ... but really, we're so different. From having completely different backgrounds, upbringings, experiences and educations, we are always learning new things about each other. It's really fun.

J is also a guitar player. I love it and so do the kids. Literally, when its bedtime, he'll pick up his strat and start playing quietly and both kids (well not always Joe 'cause he's not always running around) will come up and sit on the amp or on his feet and just chill out. It's so cute. It's probably my favorite time of day.

J is just the most awesome person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I'm still so blown away at how lucky I am to have him in my life. Even after all these years, at least once a week one of us will burst out laughing and say "Could you ever have predicted THIS in high school?" and then we giggle and cuddle. Haha. And the truth is, I could never have imagined someone so amazing.